She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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