never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
