There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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