remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
