Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
