put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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