best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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