Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
