i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
