Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My liver just had a heart attack.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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