He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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