I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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