Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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