They should really pass out barf bags in church
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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