I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
