Your mouth is God's brothel.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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