Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
