I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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