If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
