is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
