Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
