I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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