I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This is classic penis vs brain.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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