i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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