I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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