There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
