I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
