I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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