I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
