I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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