Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
