I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
