it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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