You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
