I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
