I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
