i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
