Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
