I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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