it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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