why didn't you poke me back
Plan B is the new Plan A
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
