are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
