It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
