Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
