i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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