He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
