is your mom at the bar?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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