Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
