He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
