I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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