Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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