We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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