she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head