I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed