Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it

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  (631): Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it http://tfl.nu/0u81
  Replies (1) Good night (1069) Bad night (512)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time

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  (308): yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time http://tfl.nu/mn2j
  Replies (32) Good night (5189) Bad night (2452)
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  (909): View more from California

  i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.

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  (909): i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar. http://tfl.nu/5kvp
  Replies (9) Good night (7485) Bad night (932)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...

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  (913): you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast... http://tfl.nu/eo63
  Replies (9) Good night (5161) Bad night (809)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.

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  (734): I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense. http://tfl.nu/c4vr
  Replies (10) Good night (1119) Bad night (2943)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...

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  (419): Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl... http://tfl.nu/mv65
  Replies (8) Good night (4161) Bad night (1029)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken

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  (412): when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken http://tfl.nu/q0nt
  Replies (18) Good night (1816) Bad night (4343)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude

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  (808): There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude http://tfl.nu/nnq9
  Replies (2) Good night (1480) Bad night (662)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?

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  (309): We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come? http://tfl.nu/kmdd
  Replies (11) Good night (3353) Bad night (659)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.

  (415): View more from California

  Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.

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  (206): He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit. (415): Use your nursing skills for good, not evil. http://tfl.nu/0k9b
  Replies (10) Good night (3624) Bad night (544)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey

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  (774): This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey http://tfl.nu/q901
  Replies (10) Good night (1722) Bad night (616)
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  (310): View more from California

  He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed

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  (310): He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed http://tfl.nu/mil9
  Replies (3) Good night (360) Bad night (1220)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick

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  (319): He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick http://tfl.nu/akxs
  Replies (6) Good night (294) Bad night (904)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.

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  (920): Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms. http://tfl.nu/5i1h
  Replies (7) Good night (763) Bad night (357)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have tan lines from my nipple rings.

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  (267): I have tan lines from my nipple rings. http://tfl.nu/n8t0
  Replies (6) Good night (840) Bad night (307)

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