dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had