have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
