her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.