I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...