so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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