my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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