i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
