loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
