Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
