why didn't you poke me back
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
worst night to have a conscience
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
