Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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