Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
