I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
