be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
