May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
