I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
