Sry I called you an 8
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
