I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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