well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
