I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
