i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Life is so much better after having sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize