Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
