This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
