I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
