Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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