I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
