I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
