Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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