I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
