What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
