It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
