The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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