I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
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I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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